When we experience trauma to our physical bodies such as falling down a flight of stairs, we experience injuries to our physical bodies such as cuts, bruises, and broken bones.
What happens when we fall down a flight of emotional stairs that was a result of disappointments, heartbreaks, hopelessness, etc? The same thing happens. We experience trauma and injuries to our emotional well-being. The injuries are not as obvious as a cut bleeding or a black and blue bruise. But the injuries are still there and can threaten to worsen if not properly attended to.
How do you know if your emotional well-being has been injured? Below are a few signs that you have emotional injuries that must be attended to:
- Feeling insecure about your status in your relationships
- On an emotional roller coaster – Most of the time you’re happy or content. But you’re starting to experiencing frequent bouts of crying and you’re not sure why
- You’re feeling nervous and anxious about everyday activities or decisions
- You assume the worse in people first, then let them prove they can be trusted
- Binge eating – We all have our moments where we can sit and eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. But when this becomes a twice a week (or more) habit, then you’re probably trying to use the ice cream to soothe some emotional scarring.
- You’re feeling sad, lost, confused, or even hopeless – not just about your romantic relationships, but about your finances, job, and life in general.
Sometimes, emotional injuries can manifest itself in our physical bodies, such as:
- Loss of appetite, unable to taste food
- Racing heart
- Sweaty palms
- Weak in the knees
- Headaches
- Crying
One of the main sources of emotional scars comes from our romantic relationships – or lack thereof. As a single woman on her journey to finding her soul mate, you will acquire some minor injuries as you learn and identify the men and relationships that are not good for you. These injuries can come from giving your heart away too soon, giving your physical body away too soon, being rejected by a love interest, being lied to or cheated on, etc.
If you are in a romantic relationship, you may not have fresh wounds from your love life, but you may still have emotional scars that have not properly healed that could be causing discord in your relationship.
Wounds, no matter how fresh or old they are, all need proper attention in order to heal and not cause undue pressure on you, your relationships, or your life.
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But HOW do you heal? HOW do you attend to the emotional scars left behind by people and circumstances that threatened knock the very wind out of you? How do you continue living life in a way that is not controlled or defined by the pains of yesterday?
1. Start with forgiveness – The beginning of healing is to forgive yourself of your mistakes and the mistakes of others. Unforgiveness is the bacteria that keep wounds open and festering with puss. Instead of dwelling on the mistake, release the mistake. Start each morning by telling yourself “I forgive myself.” And “I forgive ____________.” Each time you begin to feel negative emotions towards yourself, the other person, or the situation, take a deep breath and forgive.
2. Learn from the pain – Ignoring the pain or pretending that it not there is not going to heal it. You must face your pain and your scars in order to heal them. Your pain is nothing to be ashamed of or be afraid of. There is a lesson in the pain. Nothing that happens to you is pure coincidence. God is an intentional God and he allows certain things to happen to you for two reasons: To show His Power & to prepare you for your blessing. What is God preparing you for? What lesson does he need you to learn in order to receive what he has promised you?
3. Find a release – You’ve heard the expression “Let Go and Let God.” But HOW do you let go? Write it down. Journal. I usually type my journals while some of my clients still like to use pencil and paper. Whichever method you choose, speak you mind and get it out of your system. Write about what happened and how you’re feeling. Talk about your struggles and what still keeps you awake at night. Make the time to write every day to release the feelings and the negative energy that have resulted from your pain.
4. Find Peace – Although the peace that surpasses all understanding can only come from God, you have to make room in your life to receive and dwell in that peace. Create a small room or corner in your home to have peace. A place where you can sit down, undisturbed, and just be to yourself. This could be a guest room, or it could be the closet. Create a space where you can just be. Your peaceful place can also be outdoors – a park or garden – where you can be alone with God. Then create intentional time in your calendar to go be in your peace. Dedicate the first 15 minutes of your day or the last 15 minutes of your day to go, Be Still, and sit in your peaceful place.
By taking these 4 steps, you can find healing from the emotional scars that life has dealt you. And remember this quote below . . .
~SAM
