There is no such thing as a perfect life. But there is a such thing as a “Perfect-for-you” Life.
Many of us are stressed out trying to live up to our parent’s expectation for our lives, or even society’s expectations of our lives – especially women of color. In the workplace, most of us go in with the idea that you have to work hard, work longer, and produce more than your male counterparts. We walk in strapped and ready to go – all because we have this belief that this is what it takes to get the titles we want, the pay we want, and the office that we want. But in the end, we realize that we are building a life that’s not really suited for who you are or who you were created to be. You know you’ve reached this point when you get all of the accolades and material things that you want and you’re standing in the middle of it asking “Now what?”
I want to offer you a new way of building a perfect life. A life that will be perfect for you – Tiffany, Angela, Judy, Sarah, and Betsy. That perfect for you life consists of these things:
- Passion – Passion is defined as a “powerful or compelling emotion, enthusiasm, or desire.” You have to have something that lights a fire for you. Passion gives you hope and energy. Passion is what makes you go the extra mile or endure uncomfortable situations. Passion isn’t just your life calling. Passion can be your family, a hobby like dancing, or another activity like throwing birthday parties. There is no right or wrong answer here. And you don’t have to turn your passion into a business.
- Community – Having a community is so important, especially for women. Not only is it a basic instinctual need for humanity, women are emotionally and spiritually wired to create and be a part of communities and building meaningful relationships. You often hear the saying that women can’t work together. I honestly believe that that is a lie created by someone who hated women. The truth is that we need one another to survive, to grow, and to thrive. Call it your tribe. Call it your circle of friends. Call it a mastermind. Or call it your family. We have to have a place where we feel safe, receive nurturing, and can contribute to the well-being of the collective.
- Spirituality – When I say spirituality, it goes beyond having a church home and being active in church. Spirituality means tapping into your inner spirit, your inner wisdom, and your intuition. Sometimes, we get so caught up in performing the acts of spirituality, that we forget to simply be spiritual – being quiet, listening to yourself, trusting your inner Guide, following divine inspiration. When we neglect to cultivate this part of ourselves, we are neglecting a part of ourselves.
- Satisfying work – We all know that if you hate your job, the rest of your life tends to suck as well. We spend most of our waking hours at work. If you are doing satisfying work by using your skills, your talents, and your training to make a difference in the world, you get to go home satisfied. You may not always get public recognition. You feel good knowing that you matter in this world and you are contributing in a positive way to humanity.
- Shared Experiences – This ties closely with Community. Not only are we wired to be a part of a community. We are also wired to have personal relationships with one another. Even if you are an introvert or consider yourself a loner, you can have personal and intimate relationships with another person to share your life with. This is beyond just romantic relationships. You can share experiences with a family member, a close friend, or a romantic partner. You were not meant to do life alone. We all need at least one person to bear witness to the life we are living. And life is so much sweeter when you have someone to share a funny joke with, take silly pictures together, go on a shopping spree in an outlet mall, support each other’s business ventures, or travel the world with.
- Happy Memories – You don’t want to get to the end of your life and have nothing to remember but the long work hours, frustration, and strive. A life well lived is a life with dozens of photo albums to look back on with treasured memories and moments. This goes beyond Instagram and SnapChat and Facebook. Because most of us take dozens of selfies before we find the right one to post. These are the raw, unedited moments that you may not always share on social media. But when you look at them, you remember where you were, what you were doing, and how you were feeling – with fondness and nostalgia. For me, personally, I want to have amazing stories to share with my grandkids or grand nieces and nephews of all the amazing adventures I’ve had, lessons learned, and even embarrassing moments.
Anyone can create a life that is perfect for them when they focus on building that life according to who they are and not according to what society or social media says.
